"Most people spend their entire lives being who others told them to be."
— Friedrich Nietzsche, 1883
In 1883, a German philosopher named Friedrich Nietzsche wrote about three phases of personal transformation. Not stages everyone goes through in order, but three ways of living your life.
He used animals to describe them: the Camel, the Lion, and the Child.
Most teenagers, Nietzsche would say, are moving from Camel to Lion. Some get stuck. Very few reach Child before adulthood (if ever).
The question is: Which phase are you in RIGHT NOW?
The Three Phases Explained
🐪 Phase 1: THE CAMEL (Following Rules)
The Camel carries what others load onto it. It lives by "you SHOULD"—you should get good grades, you should go to university, you should pick a "practical" career, you should be like everyone else.
The Camel asks: "What do my parents/teachers/friends want me to do?"
TEEN EXAMPLE:
Alex is 17. He's always been good at science, so everyone says he should be a doctor. His parents are proud when he tells people that's his plan. He gets good grades in biology even though he finds it boring. He chose science subjects for A-levels because that's what doctors do.
The problem? Alex secretly loves film and storytelling. But he never tells anyone because "that's not a real career." He's being the Camel—carrying everyone else's expectations.
🦁 Phase 2: THE LION (Rebelling)
The Lion says "NO!" to the rules. It fights against expectations and breaks free from the Camel phase. But here's the catch: the Lion is still defined by what it's fighting AGAINST. It's freedom, but not true identity yet.
The Lion asks: "What do I NOT want to be?"
TEEN EXAMPLE:
At 18, Alex told his parents he's NOT going to medical school. He's done being what they want. He's going to study film instead, and he doesn't care if they're disappointed.
For the next two years, Alex defined himself by what he WASN'T (not pre-med, not his parents' plan, not "practical"). He made choices specifically to prove he was different. This is the Lion phase—liberation but still fighting the old rules.
👶 Phase 3: THE CHILD (Creating Freely)
The Child doesn't carry burdens (Camel) or fight against them (Lion)—it creates freely because it has FORGOTTEN the dragon ever existed. The Child makes choices from authentic desire, not duty or rebellion.
The Child asks: "What do I genuinely want to create/do/be?"
TEEN EXAMPLE:
At 21, Alex stopped being angry at his parents. He's making a documentary not to prove them wrong (Lion), but because he genuinely loves it (Child). He's even okay using some of the science knowledge they pushed on him—because now it's HIS choice, not theirs.
He's no longer defined by following OR rejecting expectations. He's just... himself. Creating what he wants. That's the Child phase.
Think About It:
Which phase are you in RIGHT NOW with your university/career decisions?
Are you doing what others expect (Camel)?
Are you doing the opposite of what they expect to prove independence (Lion)?
Or are you genuinely choosing what YOU want, independent of their expectations (Child)?
Why This Matters for Teens:
Between ages 16-22, most people are transitioning from Camel (doing what you're told) to Lion (finding your identity through rebellion). The real challenge? Not getting stuck in Lion phase forever—fighting against your parents' dreams but never actually creating your own.
The Child phase is rare. It's when you become so secure in who you are that you stop defining yourself by what you're NOT, and start creating what you genuinely ARE.
Expressions for Identity & Transformation (Part 1)
Click each expression to see how it's used
1. "Looking back, I was living by other people's rules when..."
Formality: Conversational
Meaning: Reflect on a past time when you realize (in hindsight) that you were following expectations rather than your own desires. This is the Camel phase realization.
Teen Context:
"Looking back, I was living by other people's rules when I chose all my GCSE subjects based on what my parents said was 'useful.' I never even considered art or music, even though I loved them."
NOW YOU TRY:
Think of a time you followed expectations (parents, teachers, friends) rather than your own instincts. Complete: "Looking back, I was living by other people's rules when..."
2. "I'm at a crossroads where..."
Formality: Neutral
Meaning: Describe a moment of decision when you're between two paths or phases. Perfect for discussing the transition between Camel, Lion, and Child phases.
Teen Context:
"I'm at a crossroads where I can keep doing A-levels my parents chose, or switch to subjects I actually care about. It's scary because changing means disappointing them, but staying means living their dream, not mine."
NOW YOU TRY:
Think of a decision you're facing (or faced) between following expectations or your own path. Describe it: "I'm at a crossroads where..."
Expressions for Identity & Transformation (Part 2)
3. "The turning point came when I realized..."
Formality: Neutral
Meaning: Identify the specific moment or insight that changed your perspective or direction. The moment the Camel becomes the Lion, or the Lion becomes the Child.
Teen Context:
"The turning point came when I realized I was more afraid of disappointing my parents than of wasting my own life. That's when I knew I had to apply to the university program I actually wanted, not the one they picked."
NOW YOU TRY:
Think of a moment when your perspective on something important shifted. Complete: "The turning point came when I realized..."
4. "To play devil's advocate..."
Formality: Neutral
Meaning: Introduce a contrary opinion or challenge an idea—not because you necessarily disagree, but to explore different perspectives or test an argument.
Teen Context:
"To play devil's advocate, maybe the Camel phase is necessary. You can't rebel against expectations if you never learned what they were. You need to understand the rules before you can decide which ones to break."
NOW YOU TRY:
Someone says: "The Child phase sounds irresponsible—just doing whatever feels good." Play devil's advocate and defend the Child phase. Start with "To play devil's advocate..."
5. "I've stopped defining myself by..."
Formality: Conversational
Meaning: Express moving beyond labels, expectations, or past identities. This is the transition from Lion to Child—no longer fighting the old rules, just being yourself.
Teen Context:
"I've stopped defining myself by whether my parents approve of my choices or not. It used to matter so much—I was either the 'good kid' following their plan or the 'rebel' going against it. Now I'm just making choices that feel right for me."
NOW YOU TRY:
Think of a label, expectation, or identity you've moved beyond. Complete: "I've stopped defining myself by..."
All 5 Expressions:
"Looking back, I was living by other people's rules when..." — Reflecting on Camel phase
"I'm at a crossroads where..." — Describing a moment of decision
"The turning point came when I realized..." — Identifying transformation moment
"To play devil's advocate..." — Exploring contrary perspectives
"I've stopped defining myself by..." — Moving beyond old identities
Choose Your Discussion Topics
Select 2-3 cards below that interest you most. These will guide your discussion about identity, transformation, and authenticity.
Your Camel Moment
When have you done something just because "that's what you're supposed to do"? What were you carrying that wasn't really yours? Are you still carrying it?
Rebellion vs. Authenticity
Have you ever done something just to prove you're NOT like your parents/teachers expect? Is that real freedom, or are you still letting them control you by doing the opposite?
The "Practical" Trap
You want to study art/music/philosophy, but everyone says "be practical." How do you choose between passion and security? Is there a way to have both, or do you have to sacrifice one?
Your Parents' Dreams
Your parents want you to be successful (doctor, lawyer, engineer). You want something else. How do you choose your own path without destroying your relationship with them? Is it possible?
Peer Pressure Identity
At school/university, everyone dresses a certain way, likes certain things, acts a certain way. When did you realize you were just copying others? How do you find YOUR style, not just the group's?
Social Media You vs. Real You
The version of you on Instagram/TikTok—is that really you, or a performance for likes? Where's the line between "this is me" and "this is who I think people want me to be"?
The Gap Year Dilemma
Everyone says take a gap year to "find yourself," but how do you actually do that? Is traveling really the answer, or is that just another expected thing to do? Can you find yourself while following the path?
When You Become the Child
Describe a moment when you made a choice purely because YOU wanted it—not to please parents, not to rebel, just because it felt authentically right. How did it feel different from other decisions?
Your Selected Topics:
Click 2-3 cards above...
Use These Expressions:
"Looking back, I was living by other people's rules when..."
"I'm at a crossroads where..."
"The turning point came when I realized..."
"To play devil's advocate..."
"I've stopped defining myself by..."
Deep Dive: Your Transformation Story
Choose a challenge below and speak for the full time. Try to use at least 3 of the 5 expressions naturally.
Challenge 1: Your Journey
Trace your own transformation from Camel to Lion (or to Child if you've reached it). Give specific examples of choices you made in each phase.
Challenge 2: The Big Decision
You're at a crossroads RIGHT NOW between what others expect and what you want. Explain both options, why it's difficult, and how you'll decide.
Challenge 3: Someone You Know
Describe someone (friend, sibling, cousin) who is clearly in Camel, Lion, or Child phase. What shows you which phase they're in? What advice would you give them?
Challenge 4: Playing Devil's Advocate
Argue that the Camel phase is actually good—that following expectations and doing what you're "supposed" to do leads to success and stability. Then argue against yourself.
3:00
Remember to Use:
"Looking back, I was living by other people's rules when..."
"I'm at a crossroads where..."
"The turning point came when I realized..."
"To play devil's advocate..."
"I've stopped defining myself by..."
Excellent Work Today!
You Learned 5 Expressions:
"Looking back, I was living by other people's rules when..."
"I'm at a crossroads where..."
"The turning point came when I realized..."
"To play devil's advocate..."
"I've stopped defining myself by..."
Quick Self-Check:
Did you use at least 3 expressions during discussion?
Which phase do you think you're in right now: Camel, Lion, or Child?
Which expression felt most natural to use?
Which one do you want to practice more?
The Big Takeaway:
Most people spend their teenage years moving from Camel (following rules) to Lion (rebelling against them). The real challenge is reaching Child—where you create your own path not because you're supposed to, and not to prove you're different, but because it's genuinely what YOU want.
The question isn't "What should I do?" (Camel) or "What should I NOT do?" (Lion). The question is:
"What do I actually want to create with my life?"
This completes Speaking Naturally TEENS: Critical Conversations
6 lessons • 30 expressions total • University-level thinking
This Week:
Notice when you're making decisions. Ask yourself:
Am I doing this because someone expects it? (Camel)
Am I doing this to prove I'm NOT what they expect? (Lion)
Am I doing this because I genuinely want to? (Child)
Try to use these expressions in real conversations when discussing decisions, identity, or transformation.