Sent away to be safe, welcomed home as a stranger, and never quite belonging to either place — how a memoir tells the story of identity.
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Ten items. Say your answer out loud before you reveal it.
Read the sentence, guess the meaning of the word in bold, then reveal.
Same method: guess from the sentence, then reveal.
Three words for resisting what is expected. Guess, then reveal.
Read each part. After it, answer the quick check from memory, then discuss one question.
By the mid-1980s the war with Iraq had been going on for years, and Marji, now a teenager, was becoming more and more outspoken. Her parents feared for her safety and decided to send her abroad. At the age of fourteen she travelled to Vienna, in Austria, to live and study far from her family.
Vienna was safe, but it was not easy. She was alone in a foreign city, learning a new language and moving from one home to another. She wanted to assimilate, to be like the other teenagers around her, and she tried hard to fit in. At times she felt so out of place that she hid where she came from.
The book is honest about the cost. Safety had been bought with exile, and at first Marji's sense of identity weakened rather than grew. She was no longer the confident girl who argued with her teachers; she was a teenager who was lonely and unsure of what to be.
1. Why did Marji's parents send her to Vienna?
2. What did she try to do in Vienna, and what was difficult about it?
3. What had safety cost her?
1. They feared for her safety because she was outspoken and the war continued.
2. She tried to fit in, but she was alone, learning a language and moving between homes.
3. Exile — her sense of identity weakened and she felt lonely and unsure.
After several difficult years she returned to Tehran in 1989. She expected to feel at home. Instead, she felt that she no longer fully belonged: she was too European for Tehran and too Iranian for Vienna. Her feelings were ambivalent: she was glad to be with her family, and she felt alienated from the city she had left.
The city had its own pressures. In public, the rules of the regime demanded conformity, especially for women: dress, behaviour and even laughter were watched. In private, behind closed doors, people lived very differently, with parties, music and freedoms that the street did not allow. Marji learned to live a double life.
The book shows both: the public mask and the private refuge. It also shows her defiance, in small acts of rebellion that could be dangerous, and her fear when the consequences came close. The difference between the street and the home becomes one of its central ideas.
1. How did Marji feel when she returned to Tehran?
2. What was the difference between public and private life?
3. How does she push back against the rules?
1. She felt she did not fully belong — too European for Tehran and too Iranian for Vienna.
2. In public the rules demanded conformity; in private, people lived much more freely.
3. Through small acts of defiance and rebellion, which could be dangerous.
As an adult, Marji studied, worked, married and struggled. But she could not feel free in the city or the country she had returned to. In 1994, she decided to leave Iran again, this time for good.
The ending is not simple. The family she leaves behind loves her and wants her to be safe; her grandmother, whose advice she values, urges her to be honest with herself and keep her integrity wherever she goes. The scene at the airport is quiet and sad: leaving is a freedom, but also another loss.
The book does not tell us that she belongs to one place or the other. It shows that identity can be built from two worlds, and that belonging may be something a person carries with her, rather than something a country gives.
1. When and why did Marji leave Iran again?
2. What advice does her grandmother give?
3. What does the book suggest about belonging at the end?
1. In 1994, because she could not feel free in the country she had returned to.
2. To stay honest with herself and keep her integrity wherever she goes.
3. That belonging may be something a person carries inside, rather than something a country gives.
The book keeps returning to one question: who is a person in public, and who is she in private? The Two Selves is a simple grid for saying what each moment shows about identity.
Each sentence describes an imagined moment in a story about identity. Where does it sit on the grid?
1. The Mask — public, and acting as expected rather than as herself.
2. The Risk — it is semi-public and she acts as herself, accepting the danger.
3. The Habit — private, but still behaving as if watched.
4. The Refuge — private, and free to be herself.
5. The Mask — public, adapting to be accepted.
6. The Risk — public, acting as herself despite the danger.
7. The Habit — private, but the old pressure has become a habit.
8. The Refuge — private and free.
People are not boxes. A moment may be partly one thing and partly another. Use the grid to start an argument, not to end one.
A mask is not always dishonest. Sometimes it is a way of staying safe, and the book treats it with understanding, not blame.
The grid changes with place. What is public in one country is private in another; always check which rules apply.
A story about identity is a story about contrasts: public and private, home and abroad, safe and free. To write about it well you need language that sets two things against each other without losing balance.
Choose the word or phrase that is correct in the sentence.
1. (Although / Despite) Vienna was safe, she felt invisible.
2. (Although / Despite) her fear, she spoke out.
3. In public she wears a mask, (whereas / however) at home she is herself.
4. She felt safe in Vienna. (However / Although), she felt invisible.
5. She longed for home, (yet / despite) she dreaded it.
1. Although (followed by a clause)
2. Despite (followed by a noun phrase)
3. whereas (two things side by side, in one sentence)
4. However (starts a new sentence, with a comma)
5. yet (a surprising second half)
Each sentence has one mistake with a contrast word. Rewrite it correctly.
1. Despite she was afraid, she kept going.
2. Although she was safe, but she felt alone.
3. She loved her family. Whereas, she needed to leave.
4. In spite of she was tired, she continued to draw.
5. He was rich, whereas he was unhappy.
1. Although she was afraid, she kept going. (or: Despite being afraid…)
2. Although she was safe, she felt alone. (remove “but”)
3. She loved her family. However, she needed to leave. (or: She loved her family, yet she needed to leave.)
4. In spite of being tired, she continued to draw. (or: Although she was tired…)
5. He was rich, yet he was unhappy. (whereas compares two different things; it is not a surprise link)
Join each pair of sentences, using the connector in brackets.
1. She was safe in Vienna. She felt alone. (although) →
2. The street demands conformity. Home allows freedom. (whereas) →
3. She was afraid. She spoke out. (despite) →
1. Although she was safe in Vienna, she felt alone.
2. The street demands conformity, whereas home allows freedom.
3. Despite her fear (or: Despite being afraid), she spoke out.
Now say three sentences about the difference between two places you know, using although, whereas and despite.
Now use the grid and the contrast language on your own material. Choose a task, start the timer, and talk.
Describe two places or groups where you behave differently. What changes, and which one feels more like you?
Tell us about coming back to a place after a long time away. What had changed — in the place, and in you?
Is wearing a mask in public a lie, a skill or a way of surviving? Argue your view, then give the best point for the other side.
Does belonging come from a place, from people, or from inside? Choose a position and defend it.